go back to your rice paddy.

benevolentspy @ 2007-01-11T15:34:00

2007-01-11T21:35:14Z

So I'm about to head to a dentist appointment and I can't help but feel gloomy. I mean, not about the appointment; I did bring floss to school and nourished my teeth with them whenever I was bored. But I know that after my appointment I'll be going to the hospital to say goodbye to my Grandma before they pull the plugs on Friday.

Like, right now I'm not even comprehending it yet. It's affecting me but not as much as I know it will when I see her. When I see her for the last time.

It's hard to think that just on Thanksgiving she was fine; well as fine as an unknowing cancer victim can be, but she was still walking around and eating and conversing. And in just-what, a month or so? Two months? She's practically gone.

Hff.

Life always gets you in the end, it seems. Rather sad to think that the same exact fate will befall upon me as well.

But I'd rather not think about it yet.

Off to the dentist, off I go.

benevolentspy @ 2006-12-10T16:12:00

2006-12-10T21:12:48Z

Hello darlings. Recently I've made up my mind to put LJay back into my life once and for all. Only because I think, in a sense, that me writing and getting everything out of my mind would be good for me! And would help me live my life. That's what it would do.

So. I'm considering just making this journ private. Because of the fact that I might not stop writing and I'll write so much and no put it in an ljay cut because I don't remember how to and I'm lazy!!!

In one news, this entire xmas season is getting me rather ornery and flustered. Honestly. I have like. Negative monies. And all these debts. And I'm suppose to GET presents?!

Death. Death to me knees.

I'm going to write out a list. It'll make me feel organized and clean.

__________________________________________________________Line break.

Grandma J. Bath set. Bubble bath. Pretty much set for life on those things.
Dad and Amy. Fishing gear, candles, tuppawear. Done.

And those ^^^^^ are the only two people my brother and I have gotten for this season. Who else has to go..

My mommy- I want to get her this bamboo thing I saw in Touch of the World. And she said she wanted this garbage thingy that was there also. Pretty costly, I'd imagine.

Then there's my aunt, my cousin Jeena, my cousin Bridger, my step dad, Kelsey, Sammie, Jordan, Matt..

I'm going to be so poor @ life. I'm going to have no life because I'll be so poor!

I don't even know what to get for Matt. I've been stumbling through ideas lately that could work. And today I went online browsing for about 2 and a half hours and I didn't accomplish anything! Anything!!!

In the end I think I'm going to get him an.. AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER T-SHIRT! And the only one I really like is on Nick.com and the largest size is like, what, boys 12-14? Would that even FIT. Nick.com doesn't even have a size chart. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE. I want to get him more items but that's all I can think of now.

_____________________________________________________________End line break.

I have a horrible stomach flu and I don't even know how to cope with it. I mean. I've been constipated and sick and I cant eat the foods I love! It's a tragedy. A horrible horrible tragedy.

Hmm. Maybe if I type more and more in ljay I'll redo my layout, and relearn the codes! And.. and .. get new user pics! Yeah pics! User pics!

Or maybe I'll just have Kaity make my layout. Because she's pro like that.

OH ONE MORE NEWS! I GOT ACCEPTED TO STOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fin.

benevolentspy @ 2006-11-28T08:25:00

2006-11-28T13:25:07Z

Whewie. I've just discovered Regina Spektor. Where have I been?!

benevolentspy @ 2006-09-20T15:31:00

2006-09-20T20:43:19Z

Well.

Let's start with the good news, shall we?

The thing I've been worrying about thing that was once a thing is now not, at the moment, a thing.

It's quite a relief. I mean. To resolve it all, and everything. I think I just need to take into consideration that, well. I don't know. Sometimes we're too busy? Homework? Growing room?

I'm pretty chill on that factor.

And. Hm. Other news. I'm not really aiming for those social aspects as much, I don't think. I mean. I'd like them. I wish I could fill my blank times with strewned in adventures, but I don't know. I enjoy the time I have by myself. And I enjoy immersing myself in work. Hopefully I can get a few more nights in.

Blah.

Scenario.

In art today, which is my favorite class, I believe I was acting a little overly giddy then usual. It was fine. I mean. Nice class. Kelsey. Andy. Another Kelsey. And Renee were at my table. But then. I don't know. I started getting really quiet and sad about something. Just. Thinking of random things. So Andy rips off a little slip of paper and wrote, quote "What's bothering you?" Me: "Nothing thanks for asking." Him: "Sorry for wondering."

So I got out of my mood. And started acting a little cheerier. Glue wars going on. It was a riot. And then I don't know how it started but Andy was like, "Just dump all this glue on my head. Do it." Or something of the like. And he gave me a glue bottle and dropped his head down. So. Thinking we're still in a joking mood I put one drop. One. Drop of glue. In his hair. I started laughing, ha ha. Laughter. And he was sitting there all silent and like. Shocked that I'd.. do that? Then I took it that he didn't like the joke so I said, "Here's the glue bottle. Do it to me, then."

And he grabbed the bottle and chucked it at the wall behind us.

Oh-ho. A little unnessesary anger emotions, there. So I say something along the lines of.. "Considering you've been playing jokes all class I thought you could handle one."

So. In the end. We were both pretty pissed off during class. But Jesus. One drop of glue! One drop! It doesn't last forever. I mean. Does that give reason to cause a fit over?

Maybe I've been acting a little too out of line lately. I mean. I do dance in the hallways and make faces and pick my nose. But still.

Geez.

I hope he rots.

benevolentspy @ 2006-09-13T22:50:00

2006-09-14T03:53:05Z

I'm resisting the temptation so bad to eat a bowl of lucky charms.

I mean. What. It's what. 10:50 PM. I've already eaten a fair share amount of food products. And I know the only reason I want to eat this bowl is because I want the sweet sugarness of it.

BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CUT BACK ON SWEETS! WHY LUCKY CHARMS WHY DO YOU TEMPT ME SO.

Maybe I'll just.. Get off the computer as fast as I can. And then shower. And then.. find a tomorrow outfit. And then,. eat some lucky charms. NO. NO NO I CAN'T. I'll play some smash brothers and then sleep.

Because I've had an estimated amount of about 6 hours of sleep per night.

And I think my mind and my body would prefer a little more.

So. I'll just look forward to my sweetened coffee in the morning and that's that.

..

Oh who am I kidding I'm going to eat some Lucky Charms.

Goodnight darlings.

benevolentspy @ 2006-09-11T21:39:00

2006-09-12T02:41:17Z

KAITY!

KAITY KAITY LOOK I'VE UPDATED!

Anyways.

I just worked my first five hour shift at IGA and it was pretty dazzling. I occupationalized with this man my age named Clark. And he's pretty neat. He helped me out a lot and did all the hard and difficult tasks.

I hope I work with nice people like that more often.

NOW.. I only work three more days at Carmelos. And I .. think I have enough for gas / random objects this weekend.

GOD I LOVE. LOVE THIS WEEK! SO MUCH! SCHOOL! WORK! WEEKEND!

I'm just fainting.

benevolentspy @ 2006-09-01T23:59:00

2006-09-02T04:59:25Z

Saying goodbye is the one of the hardest things I've ever done.

benevolentspy @ 2006-08-26T00:28:00

2006-08-26T05:31:13Z

Well...

I just compeated in a DDR compition.

Yeah..

WELL. It was a waste of time@@@

I tried so hard and I didn't even win anything. Waste@@@

At least I got this cool DDR t-shirt out of the deal.

I'm going to use it as my gym shirt!

GYM SHIRT!

benevolentspy @ 2006-07-18T11:31:00

2006-07-18T16:33:27Z

I want to be more involved in LJ again. I enjoy speed racin' typing. And I want the few limited people on my friends lists to list some communities I could join.

I'd apprieciate it with mashed potatoes, mostly.

<3e.

benevolentspy @ 2006-07-12T16:34:00

2006-07-12T21:35:23Z

Everything is making me upset. Everything. Small things. Large things. Little things. I never really used this before, but I think after this entry I can do private posts and get this all out.

Because everyone thinks I'm a liar, anyways.

Nevermind.

benevolentspy @ 2006-02-23T18:45:00

2006-02-24T00:47:49Z

Man, I never get to go ANYWHERE for Spring Break. ANYWHERE. So now Kate Oliva is going to Hawaii (without inviting me, mind you), and leaving me and two others to tend to working the whole break.

SWEET! AWESOME!

I can't wait to QUIT this job. IF THERE WAS A WAY. WHERE I COULD JUST. SIT HERE AND HAVE MONEY GIVEN TO ME BY THE POUNDS. Well. Well I'd do it.

Because this job is cutting into the 2/3's of my life where I'm not SLEEPING.

GOODNIGHT!

P.S. Dear LJ-friends. I'm sorry I don't really update / comment anymore / much. I'll really try to do that more.. OFTEN.

P.P.S. THE CORAL REEFS ARE DYING.

benevolentspy @ 2006-02-14T01:59:00

2006-02-14T08:02:09Z

Man. Manly manly man. So I decided to take a quick nap right after school, right? A quick short doze to get me set and ready on my homework. And oh.

OH. OH HI BYE HI BYE BYE BYE HI HI BYE HI HI. I end up sleeping until now. Now = 2:00 AM on the BUTTON.

I am so disgusted. With my life / self / pinapples.

OH HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE.

And. Speaking of which. I get to WORK on nice ol' V-day, too! SWEET! AWESOME! SWEET JUSTICE!

I better start working on my Creative Writing paper about a man with red hair.

..

....

.....

.
.

SWEET.

benevolentspy @ 2006-02-05T15:09:00

2006-02-05T21:09:52Z

Obviously this is the prettiest user picture YOU'VE ever seen.

benevolentspy @ 2006-01-31T19:13:00

2006-02-01T01:17:08Z

So.

kfjldsajfkl;das. We had to write an "Abstract to Concrete" poem about ourselves. And because I have. NO. SHAME. I'm going to.. share it.

I am a four-cheese classic italian sub because I am hearty.

I am a patched-up ancient sweater because I am vintage.

I am a paintbrush because I am CREATIVE.

I am a volleyball because I'm ALWAYS IN DA GAME.

I am child because I'll never grow up.

There are about hi oh bye hi bye hi hi bye hi bye 10 more lines, but they are. SO. LAME. Even though I forgive myself I know YOU guys won't.

;P.

benevolentspy @ 2006-01-15T05:26:00

2006-01-15T11:28:36Z

Now that's some good quality friendship right there.

FOR NARNIA! fjdkalsjfa
jfkdlas;jf;l
cnkmdas,fdna
fn,ka
nm,a,m.a
ajkdls
GOD.

YES. THAT IS A MCDONALDS HAPPY MEAL TOY STREWNED ACROSS MY HOUSEHOLD TOILET SEAT COVER.
YES. YES IT IS.

benevolentspy @ 2006-01-08T00:18:00

2006-01-08T06:25:14Z

Today at 10 am we put our cat, Sonya, to sleep.

RIP forever and ever. <3<3<3.

benevolentspy @ 2005-12-11T22:09:00

2005-12-12T04:10:41Z

Ihatebeinghome.Ihatebeinghome.Ihatebeinghome.

IwishIdidn'tlosemyhomework.IwishIdidn'tlosemyhomework.

ILOVENARNIA.ILOVENARNIA.
ILOVENARNIA.ILOVENARNIA.
ILOVENARNIA.ILOVENARNIA.

ILOVENARNIA.ILOVENARNIA.
ILOVENARNIA.ILOVENARNIA.!!4j12l

benevolentspy @ 2005-12-10T16:28:00

2005-12-10T22:29:57Z

I think I just guilted my mom into buying me presents.

I mean. I MEAN. Not like.. she wasn't going to get us anything. Just.. Just money. Lonely money within a lonely card within an lonely envelope. I guess I .. I was just jealous that everyone else still got presents and still had a normal tree and could still have a hefty pile or seasonal wrappings to open.

I didn't mean to make her feel bad.

Now I feel bad myself.

benevolentspy @ 2005-12-05T20:18:00

2005-12-06T02:27:42Z

My mom.. just drove four hours. FOUR hours. To buy our Christmas tree. Here's what it looks like!

We're the most original on our block, THAT'S for sure.

benevolentspy @ 2005-12-03T18:40:00

2005-12-04T00:55:39Z

God guys. I have been so sad lately that I can't even stand it. And for stupid. COMPLETELY. SIMPLE. Reasons.

I am so isolated in school that you can't even NOTICE me in a classroom. I'm just.. MERGED with the silence and the corners and the painted floor tiles.

All of my teachers always ask me, "Why are'nt you participating anymore? Where is your INPUT? WHERE IS YOUR DRIVVVVE?!!?!?"

And honestly. NO LIES. None at all. I think I have some psychological impact from my childhood days that makes me so passive.

Because in German class (*example*), I was assigned to read. One. Line. ONE LINE. From this German discussion. And the whole time before I had to read it. I mean. I WAS SHAKING. LITERALLY, NOTICEABLY SHAKING. My fingers were sweating, I felt like crying. I mean.

Jesus, what's wrong with me?

I try to tell my mom, "OH. TAKE ME TO A PSYCHOLOGIST. BYE."

But she won't do it. And she won't listen to me.

alkjljaskljrLKJDKLSARJRA. WHYAREN'TIPUTTINGTHISAS PRIVATELIKEALWAYYSYSYAYA.M.,AM.M.A.M.

(sorry if this wastes space on your El-Jay @ all. *smoooch*)

benevolentspy @ 2005-11-11T23:32:00

2005-11-12T05:33:02Z

My dad is getting married.

benevolentspy @ 2005-10-22T13:13:00

2005-10-22T18:18:28Z

So currently.. I am not at home. WHERE AM I?! WHAT AM I DOING?!

Well, I'm at my Dad's apartment, with about 32412 relatives. And I'm waiting. For lame-o turkey to get done so I can eat.

I have LOADS of homework, and I wasn't "allowed" to bring any of it.

I'm entirely SICK and DISGUSTED of my cousin's slut-ti-ness. I mean, does she have any DECENCY?! I have to resist the urge constently to not barf all over her.

And, Six Flags was pretty awesome. The Haunted House wasn't as neat as I thought it'd be. And, by neat, I mean freakishly-make-me-PISS-my-pants-all-over scary.

I :( because it wasn't.

I also came to a conclusion that might make up for my extreme un-talkitive-ness/shyness/isolation..ism.

I hate stupid people.

(*Misses Maplestory*)

benevolentspy @ 2005-10-13T15:35:00

2005-10-13T20:36:13Z

Hi I'm historical fictional British Literature, and I've just been made into Claymation.

CLAYMATION!!

benevolentspy @ 2005-10-13T09:29:00

2005-10-13T14:40:52Z

WELL, KIDDIES. .. I'm in art class right now.. patiently waiting for a scanner to scan my artwork in.

teh. I'm really impatient slash behind. Hence why I'm going to end up asking Kaity to lend me Photoshop/come over to use it.

(That's what I was talking about)..

Mark Cannenburg is next to me and he's.. real cool. HE JUST.. WON'T HELP ME ON MY PORJECT! AND .. tells me to get off of the internet because I'm "fooling around".

*Is in constant watch of the teacher catching me. Thus tends my marvolous skill of typing without looking at the screen. (Knows you're all jealous)..

In other worldly news, I have just taken the PSAT yesterday. Besides the fact that I didn't study for it.. I think I did FAIRLY well (just not scholarship material).

............ Dot. (someone is watching me KBAI)

benevolentspy @ 2005-10-06T15:47:00

2005-10-06T20:48:54Z

Meiner Tag war sehr schlect. So ist meine Deutsch. Harhar.

:(.